the weight of injustice presses into your neck
like a knee.
digs into your back
like a knee.
crushes your throat
and stifles your voice.
compresses the feelings
and worsens the cries.
the weight of injustice
is begging for the lives
of others, and being told,
that we’re the problem.
the weight of injustice
is more dense than lead, and
harder than steel.
holding us down,
using the hip to
dig in further
with the knee.
it makes our faces blue.
[A man with hair like a sleek, wispy bird’s nest walks out to the stage from behind a large curtain in a glitzy black bow tie. he looks shiny and fake-tanned. like an awards show host. A wide jacket drapes his expansive waist and rear. He stops under the spotlights to accept the large theatre’s applause. Then he waves again to the audience, and steps up two more stairs to take the podium at center stage. Slightly out of breath, he starts to speak.]
“Good evening, Las Vegas!”
[the crowd cheers.]
“Thank you! Thank you! You’re wonderful. You’re really wonderful. Good evening, again. Tonight, we’ve got a really wonderful program for you. This is the biggest show in our country’s history. This is is my favorite show, I love this show. That’s why I’m the host. And also because this whole show is my idea.
“But really, people tell me all the time, they say, ‘You know, that show was a really great idea! It was maybe one of your best ideas.’ And, you know what? I have had a lot of great ideas, which, I mean, you don’t get to become rich like me without having a lot of great ideas. And you know, that’s the beauty of this country. I love this country.
“But I think they might be right about this one. It’s a great show. It’s turned into a great show. You’re gonna love this show. Believe me.”
[An ‘Applause’ sign blinks on-off and the crowd quickly bursts into a fanatical display of appreciation for the host. There is much cheering and whistling, hooting, hollering, yee-hawing, and pumping of fists in the air, all interspersing yells of “Yer’gad’am’raihght!” and “WE LOVE YOU!”]
[Suddenly, the familiar initials of the nation’s Christian name break out in a unison chant.]
“C-S-A! C-S-A! C-S-A! C-S-A!”
[After stepping away from the podium, and giving space to the crowd’s mighty voice, the host claps along: clap-clap-clap, clap-clap-clap. As he retakes the podium, the crowd becomes silent.]
“Like I said, tonight we’ve got a great show for you. A really big show. We’ve got some great hunters here. Real heroes, these guys are. They’re all former soldiers, and, like all the best soldiers, they just refuse to quit.”
[Applause light blinks. Crowd cheers, and host accedes again as the room honors their heroes.]
“That’s a great gesture. Such a wonderful gesture. Yes, we should always honor our service members, and thank you for doing that before I even asked you to. You’re amazing! You’re really something.
“These people are our heroes! I hope every little boy watching tonight sees what they can grow up to become, and sees what it takes to be the best of the best. We need more of these kind of boys. Those tough kind of boys, who’ll grow up to tough guys like these.
“And, you know what? Tonight, they’re going to be chasing some really, really bad people. I don’t want to say what’s going to happen, I don’t want to give away the ending, but I know you paid a lot for your seats to be here tonight, and I promise you you are going to be getting your money’s worth. It’s going to be huge.
“So let’s get to it. By the way, I always say, why not just get to the point? People always say, “You get right to the point. You’re so good at getting right to the point.” And they ask me how I do it. I say, “It’s easy. You just get right to it, and that’s it.”
“So, anyway, we’re going to go to a quick commercial break, and then we’ll come back and meet our first hunter. Don’t go away! You’re gonna love this!”
[Bright outro music. The host points at the crowd. A graphic flashes across the screen, “Big Lib Hunters: LIVE in Las Vegas!” Cut to commercial.]
Voice Over – “Our freedoms are under attack.”
[Black and white footage of Barack Obama. To a reporter, he says:]
“Eating boogers is bad. You shouldn’t do that, I don’t care what anyone says.”
[The image of Obama is darkened, and his eyes are shaded red. He looks like an infernal beast. The image continues to deteriorate and muddle as the music drops. Then everything spins into– a bright flag, a tough cowboy, a hardworking farmer, a cheerful police officer, a stoic truck driver, a grateful soldier. All with fingers in their noses, digging for gold.]
Voice Over- “Guys like you work hard, and we know that you won’t bow to tyrants. Thank you for having the courage to pick your way to liberty. To honor you, our team at Badass Booger created the exquisite, ‘Freedom Line.’
[Different small jars, similar to Carmex containers, each labeled ‘Badass Booger’, ‘Freedom’, and separate names for the specific types, like “Patriot’s Pick”, “Common Sense Snot”, and “All Lives Matter Mucus”.]
Voice Over- “Because while your brand of boogie may be good enough to get the job done, Badass Booger has the world’s top-quality boogers, all sourced from sexy women, for when a guy like you wants to let loose and play hard, too.
[Images of guys toasting each other with boogers. A group around a Vegas roulette table, a bunch of guys at a bachelor party, two guys toasting as they hold up the lifeless body of a young black man.]
Voice Over- “Your favorite sound is freedom ringing. Now you can let freedom ring through your tastebuds, which you’ll do unless, of course, you’re an Obama loving socialist.”
[Sound of gun cocking. The screen transitions to showcase the entire line of products one more time.]
Voice Over- Badass Booger, for everyone who believes in freedom.
Mumbled Voice Over- Available at your local grocery store and pharmacy.
[Back to the broadcast, we see the host is off to the side of the stage, holding a jar of Badass Booger.]
“We’re so lucky to have these guys as our sponsor tonight. It’s a great product. My favorite product. The women who make these boogers, they’re unbelievable. That’s why I only eat this kind. You know me, I’ll only eat the best. So “let freedom ring” indeed!
“Now onto our show. Our first hunter is a simple man from Virginia. His name is Darrel. Let’s meet him, what do you say?!”
[The crowd cheers, and the lights in the theatre go down. The large curtain behind the host is raised and a large movie screen is seen at the back of the stage. A video begins.]
[A sun rises over the western Virginia countryside. A man carrying a rifle and body armor walks through a field in tactical gear. He wears sunglasses and a Punisher hat.]
“My name is Darrel Cummings, and I’m a rookie hunter.
“All my life, I’ve loved this country. I love what it stands for, it’s values. I served two tours already. God is very important to me and my family. I pray for my wife and my three children every night, that they won’t fall under the spell of any Obama Voodoo.
“I always pray for the CSA, too. My father, he taught me a lot about what it means to be a Con.
[Cue subtle emotional heartstring music.]
“My father died of cancer only a couple of years back. Seeing this man, with 27 confirmed kills in The Turnover, struggle even to eat a meal in his final months was terrible.
[Images of family members around hospital bed.]
He shot himself when it got too painful. He committed suicide just before my 34th birthday, and just before we had it won. The timing made it both the best and worst experience imaginable.
[Pallbearers carrying the casket. Pictures of framed pictures of the deceased standing in front of the casket and funereal flower arrangements.]
“He definitely died because of the Libs. Or at least, they were the main part of it. He directly attributed his illness to socialists. He said their policies were poisoning him. I think it’s totally fair to say that the Libs put him in an early grave.
“I’m here for him. I want to show them all how my dad taught me a real Con should act. He raised me with guns, taught me to own plenty of guns, and that I can do whatever I want with any of them. Most importantly, he taught me that I should let anyone who gets in front of me know that they’d better look out because I’m only responsible for what happens behind the gun.
[Pictures of Darrel with his gun collection, and on successful hunting trips.]
“Today I’ll be hunting with my M4. Since it’s my first run, I thought I’d start off pretty standard. I am also carrying my father’s .38 Special. I’m hoping I can make him proud, and honor his memory by closing the book on a guy with it. Who knows what can happen out there, but I’m feeling ready.
“I’m excited to represent my country and my family. I know it’s cliche and all, but this is like a dream come true. I never thought I’d get to be a contestant on my favorite show.
[Dramatic cuts of Darrel for the promo]
“My name is Darrel Cummings, and I’m ready to hunt.”
[Lights come back up in the theatre, as applause for the previous segment fills the room. The host is now back onstage.]
“We’re going to go live to Darrel now, who’s out on our course. Darrel, how are you doing?”
Darrel- “Hey, I’m good, sir. How are you?”
“We’re fine, Darrel. Fine. So tell us, it looks like you are in our Budweiser Camo Tree. Is that right?”
Darrel- “That’s right, sir. I’m here waiting for the first wave to be unleashed. I was trying to decide between this, and the Barclays Brigade Bunker, but settled on this spot as it was always my dad’s favorite. Now I’m just looking to pick off a few before they realize where I’m at.”
“Sounds like a great plan, and I’m sure you’ll do great. We’re all rooting for you! Let’s give Darrel a round of applause!”
[Crowd cheers for Darrel. Host turns back to the audience.]
“Alright, now we’re going to–”
[Crowd starts to boo, knowing what’s coming next.
“I know, I know, they’re terrible. But, ladies and gentlemen, let’s take a moment to meet a few of our pathetic Libs. And, you know, as always, I want to remind everyone to remember that many of these people are completely crazy, completely bought in to their propaganda, you know, and are all suffering from the dreaded TDS, is what they call it.
“So, not that I need to tell you twice, but don’t pay attention too closely. If you want to go to the bathroom, now is as good of a time as any, really. Ah, who am I kidding, don’t go anywhere. Let’s meet our Lib Targets!”
[Crowd boos intensely as the lights go back down.]
[The video is all taken in black-and-white. The people on-screen are bruised and frail. The clips are chopped together as we get a sense of who our forty libs are for the episode. The crowd boos fiercely throughout the video, making it hard to make out what people are saying, which are things like this.]
“I didn’t go to Harvard to be put in a cage.”
“You all have been brainwashed, it’s clear as day!”
“I DO believe I have a right to speak out.”
“Please help me! They’re going to kill me!”
“You can’t keep doing this!”
“That leader you guys follow is a complete psycho.”
[The host makes a gesture for the audience to quiet down. He wants them to hear this last clip.]
“If you really want to kill me, you can kill me.”
[The crowd yells and the lights go up. The Host turns smiling to the audience.]
“Well there you have it, folks. “If you really want to kill me, you can kill me.” That’s what he said. Isn’t that beautiful?
“It sounds to me like he just gave consent. His wish is our command, right? Let’s hope Darrel is as good on the trigger as he says, and doesn’t waste his rookie run shooting wide. Darrel? You there?”
Darrel- “I’m here, sir.”
“Darrel, we’ve got the forty Libs in the four containment pens on each side of the map. They look, like all Libs, to be extremely disgraceful and weak. A big, strong man like you ought to have no trouble putting them down.
“But still, as you know, once we let ’em out, it’s all up to you. Are you ready to roll?”
Darrel- “Sir, I’ve been ready. All I’m thinking now is how fast can I get it all done. Let’s do this. Send ’em out.”
“I love it! I love that energy. Don’t you worry. We’ll be sending ’em your way soon!
“Place your bets folks. Can Darrel survive the swarm? Will he break our record for efficiency? Or do some of these Libs have a pinch of the fighting spirit?
“Ah, of course not! We’ll soon find out if Darrel can break the record right in a moment, but first we’ll pause for this quick commercial break.
“Don’t go anywhere, folks. You wouldn’t want to miss it.”