#16/11-5-2014

going universal

so what if a company
decides to
outsource a few
telemarketing jobs
to the zeta quadrant?
the labor is cheap out there.
cheaper than it is
here on earth, anyway.
and we all know
that’s just
good business.

listen, i know that
many of you
are worried about this
outsourcing. also
some of you
have mentioned that
illegals from gamma 9
are taking your jobs here
on planet earth.
but that’s
just not the case.
i can assure you that
companies are always
willing
to hire earthlings, and
that won’t ever change.

additionally, my party
is working to implement
tougher, common-sense
immigration reforms
to keep this planet free
of illegal aliens.

in the meantime,
i must encourage earthlings to
study hard.
if not, i can assure you that
anyone who wants to do
menial jobs
here on earth
has all the right
to apply for them, but
in this market, if
you want to do a low-skill job
like writing computer code or
rendering virtual realities
you aren’t
getting hired unless you
do it better and cheaper
than the centauri in
vector 14.
and i think we all know
what that means.

seriously.
employers aren’t looking for
entitled employees.
they want workers.
you think mcdonalds
grew into a
multi-galaxy corporation
by catering
to moneydamn
welfare queens?

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